To 'see' or not to 'see', that is the question...
During the course of our lives, we meet a large number of people. Statistically, about half (give or take a few percentage points) of those people would be of the opposite sex as ours. A very small percentage of that half, we get attracted to, interested in, want to know better....
However, a significant portion of that small number are already taken, married or attached. The married ones, I agree, are out of bounds and I will consider them out of the scope of this discussion. But what about the one's who are not bound to another by the sacred bond of marriage.
The subject of today's debate is "It is morally incorrect to flirt with, hit on, try to know better, these forbidden(?) few, even though they may not be officially/legally committed to another."
Against:The notion is a stupid one to begin with. If you like someone, you like someone. Why should you care about some stranger who she might be seeing. I should give it my best shot and let her know about how I feel so that she can take an informed decision (in my favor.. grin grin).
For: The argument to the contrary is that it is morally/ethically wrong to (try to) break up a relationship that might be heading somewhere, especially when you're not sure if you're ready to commit for the long term yourself. They might just be going through a rough patch which every relationship goes through, and you don't wanna be the tall, handsome stranger(whose middle name is modesty) who swoops in like a vulture sighting prey. You don't wanna be the Woh!
A: Look at it this way. I have but one life. Do I not owe it to myself to take the opportunity when I find a woman who I'm attracted to, can talk endlessly to, think is quite compatible? How do I know if she's serious about the other guy? Is she sure about him, or is she still mentally available. How do I know if I don't give it a shot?
F: Well, if she's not serious about him, wait it out. If it doesn't work out, then give it a shot. If it does, you know you made the right decision. The point is you're not sure about it yourself, you're just playing a hunch that she might be the one. And time is something women in India do not have a lot of. You might just be ruining her chances of finding someone for keeps.
A: Well, that works the other way too. She might just make the wrong choice (the other way) since societal rules dictate that she has to make one within the given time constraints. It's a gamble either way.
The actual argument went on for much longer with neither party relenting on their stand. The matter is open to a referendum.
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14 comments:
In the immortal words of a certain hostel senior (and House Secy) - "Goal Keeper hai to goal nahi karoge kya?"
The goal keeper quote is just too hilarious.
But given how most relationships in India start and develope (first non-creep to ask me out, therefore he is my boyfriend, compatibality be damned), it makes total sense to give 'informed choice' a shot. With you, man :-)
hmm, nice. only one observation though - why do you disqualify the married ones out of hand? it's only that they have more at stake than the unmarried ones, otherwise dil toh dil hai yaar.
Woh (in more ways than one...) I think that guys traditionally have done the asking, so be a man... Ask!
You're asking her out on a date. NOT asking her to marry you. Why again should her current relationship status affect that?
But then.. you know ALL of the ABOVE.. Isn't this post merely a ruse to get more people to tell you to do what you want to do. I have "finded" you out!
"To add to the above" as they say in government office letters, I can actually picture the dark angel and the white angel sitting on your left and right shoulders and giving gyan. Stop blogging about it.. Propose OR proposition, whichever seems to be the best bet!
@PK: Wow! Had totally forgotten that one. Kant, right? Thanks Bro!
@Rimi: I hope your boyfriend's doesn't read your comment :).
@Nocturne: I guess I still have too much regard for Indian tradition (irrational as it may be at times) and in the sanctity of the institution of marriage, so I shall still leave them out of bounds. Divorced/separated women, maybe!
@Careless: The question is not about a date. It's about getting into a relationship with the person. Date and all is no issues.
And this post is not a ruse. There is no such outstanding issue in my life. The wonderment is purely about the theory of relationships. What is ethical and what isn't...
There is an old old saying ... "All's fair in love and war..." ALL here, to sound like an English Prof, includes ethics, don't ya think?
@Careless: True, but one doesn't know yet if it's love
@Careless: To reinforce my point, I'd like to quote:
"What I thought was love, that must have been lust..."
"Winning" - Carlos Santana
I believe that lust is a form of love.. And a lustful rather than a platonic love was what the ancients had in mind when they came up with that adage. How many people can feel lust for a person they hate? It might be a one-night-love.. but it is a love nevertheless... :)
dude ... listen (to your heart) when in doubt and talk (to her) to clarify :) ... it might be early, but nobody knows when it would be late !!!
And why leave married...oouucch.
@shashank: I kinda expected you not being able to even relate to the issue I'm bringing up :) but thanks for the opinion.
@all: FYI, I sometimes write about issues that were faced not neccessarily by me. This one for example, is a general wonderment on what is the right thing to do if and when someone is faced with this situation.
It is also the continuation of an inebriated conversation I once had with a friend (who btw, should have commented here by now!).
i maybe just repeating what has already been said...but still i feel it's ethical as well as 'called for' to express your feelings in the sense let the girl know HONESTLY ur feelings for her (ofcourse which includes telling her that it's too early for u to decide if u r ready for a long term commitment- though being THAT honest maybe a lil difficult for some guys) at that particular point of time....but that's it...and it becomes unethical when one proceeds towards "trying to break up a relationship" in other ways...so it's justified as long as one is just being honest n expressing his/her feelings. afterall 'honesty is a virtue which always pays back at some point in life'
Flirting with someone is not wrong. Everyone does it. It is a natural human tendency. A game we all like to play (although some might not admit it) with the opposite sex. Even if you're committed you want to see if you've still got it.Everyone enjoys being flirted with (if it is done tastefully). hence, you might be doing the girl a favour. Its totally alright to flirt with/hit on..blah blah... someone who is with someone else. If that relationship is strong enough, it will last. I firmly beieve that no one can break two people up, unless cracks are already present. I will go one step further, like shashank, and say that married women should not be regarded as forbidden. Marriage has little to do with how strong the relationship is.
P.S. I love the goal keeper quote.
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